Put the ornaments down and step away from the tree, it’s too early to celebrate Christmas.
When I walked through the shops recently I saw something much more heinous then the usual sight of rabid children wailing at their parents in-between staring at screens.
Something so grotesque that I nearly turned around and walked out of that capitalist labyrinth of nightmares, without taking full advantage of the pre-paid parking fees.
Tinsel and baubles and stars and all manner of dangly things stacked high in the entrance to every store, slamming the shopper with forced Christmas cheer before they even have the chance to get through the door.Did I mention that this happened in September? It’s taken me this long to recover myself and write about it.
People, this is why we can’t have nice things.We set aside this time every year for family and friends, for goodwill and hope and not backhanding that one annoying relative you have to put up with for a few hours on the 25th and yet we still manage to screw it up.
The rule should be that if you start celebrating Christmas in September then you shouldn’t be allowed to still be celebrating come December. This foolishness is the reason why we have a society bloated on cheer and lacking in ambition.
Who are these people that need weeks on end to stock up on bonbons and nativity scenes? Probably the same people who get geographically confused when Halloween rolls around and think they live in the land of supersized shakes.
The hard part is that we can’t just shackle these people up and abandon them in the North Pole until their fingers turn black. They’re out there, living amongst us.They’re the people placing plastic reindeers in their front yards in October, the people sending teeth-rotting candy canes to school with their kids in September or the office dolts draping your desk in tinsel before November even rolls around.
I normally wouldn’t condone work place violence, but I think we can make an exception for this.
They say the early bird catches the worm, but in this case all the bird gets is the glory of ruining the holidays. Let’s do ourselves a favour and keep our festive cheer at an appropriate level. Let’s show these shopping centres that we’re not mindless lemmings who will line up each year to drop our hard-earned cash on useless ornaments, a full five months before it’s actually time to celebrate.
And if you’re one of those people who’s already bought your decorations and got the tree up, then shame on you.
You just ruined Christmas.