Just don’t understand the fuss about Valentine’s Day? Then Archer’s Anti-Valentine’s Day at Cobbler might be right up your alley.

The West End venue’s annual anti-Valentine’s event is back, and this year, they’re also paying tribute to animated superspy Sterling Archer.

There’ll be no hand holding, no goo goo eyes, no flamingos, no love hearts, no romance, no couple dancing, no wistful gazing, no eye contact, no random acts of kindness, no men holding puppies, no puppies at all, no kittens, no selfies, no swiping left, no swiping right, no walks on the beach, no sunsets, no releasing doves, no wish making. The venue notes, however, that it may turn a blind eye to exchanges of bodily fluid.

The good news is that there will be drinks and plenty of them.

This anti-love fest kicks off at 4pm on Sunday 14 February, and the Cobbler crew recommend you get in early, avoid eye contact and grab yourself a seat with a crew of equally troubled friends, couples or random strangers from the street who are all things anti-Valentine.

Don’t forget, you can bring your own food to Cobbler, and when it’s all done and dusted, you can head out and get yourself a completely unromantic street kebab.

Cobbler is located at 7 Browning Street, West End. For more info, visit the event’s Facebook page.