Leave it to Last Week Tonight host John Oliver to finally tell the truth about New Year’s Eve.

While the rest of us try to convince ourselves that New Year’s Eve is somehow worth celebrating, the hilarious Brit — whose HBO talk show, Last Week Tonight, is on hiatus at the moment — has released a web-exclusive clip to vent all of his NYE disappointment.

“New Year’s Eve is like the death of a pet, you know it’s going to happen but somehow you’re never really prepared for how awful it is,” Oliver says.

“Do you really want to sit on your friend’s sofa and watch hummus turn brown all night?”

As always, Oliver is right on point, slamming New Year’s Eve for combining “three of the least pleasant things known to mankind — forced interaction with strangers; being cold, drunk and tired; and having to stare at Ryan Seacrest for five solid minutes, waiting for him to tell you what the time is.”

(For that last point, just substitute your choice of Aussie NYE TV host — a Richard Wilkins, maybe?)

Rather than just complaining about it, though, Oliver has come up with a solution. He says “the best thing you can do is avoid the whole evening,” and he’s come up with a few sure-fire excuses that will get you out of any NYE invite.

Our favourite? Tell them you’re on a cleanse.

“The beauty is,” Oliver says, “there will be no follow-up questions because nobody wants to hear about your f***ing cleanse.”

Will you be going out tonight, or will you take John Oliver’s advice? Let us know in the comments below!

You might also like…
The ultimate guide to New Year’s Eve in Brisbane
Free public transport and no tolls for New Year’s Eve
10 tips for a great NYE house party
New Year’s resolutions you can actually keep