It’s the online buying and selling community that’s taken the world by storm, but if you delve into the dark depths of Brisbane’s Gumtree community there are some strange things to be found. We’ve rounded up the 10 best.
A half drunk cocktail
A delicious Fruit Tingle, to be precise.Turns out some young Brisbane man is looking for a return on his heavy investment. The ad reads: “I bought a delicious Fruit Tingle for my beautiful girlfriend but she looked at me like Australia sees Tony Abbott. I’m very sad but willing to sell this beautiful cup of life. This cup of piss is negotiable, make the griff an offer.” Can’t do better than that.
Baby Beard Beanies
Ever wondered what your infant child would look like with a beard? Well, wonder no longer! A lovely Holland Park resident has got you, and your baby’s face, covered. The bearded beanies are designed to keep the baby’s head warm in winter and the beard can be detached for safety at nap time, but where’s the fun in that?
A one-eyed VooDoo Doll
Is there someone in your life that rubs you the wrong way and deserves a little pain inflicted on them? Look no further, the dark lords of Gumtree are here to help. The seller has listed it as a “rare and long discontinued Mezco Voodooz doll” which they promise is “super cool”. If you say so.
Pre-loved musical toilet
This used toilet comes with “songs to learn and encouraging phrases and sounds to discover”. It’s like the cast of Play School are joining you in the bathroom for your most intimate moments. Don’t flush your cash away on a boring old toilet that won’t even communicate to you in song, this one’s ready and waiting for you.
Jon Snow’s sword
White Walkers giving you trouble? Jon Snow’s sword will sort them out. In the spirit of full disclosure, the owner has stated that “the plaque suffered some damage when a hook in my wall broke off”, but that’s war, I guess. Every Game of Thrones fan should have their own sword to wield.
Wanted: Artistic Alien Pole Dancer
It kills me that this one doesn’t have a picture, so we’ll just have to use our imaginations. The ad placer states that they are looking for “a beautiful female alien and it is hoped that the pole dancing would give the illusion that she was floating”. Know any down on their luck alien ladies looking for a little cash and some exposure? Point them this way.
Vintage porcelain doll with human hair
This porcelain doll was handmade in Brisbane and features jewels, gold paint and real human hair……and will most certainly come to life once the sun goes down and kill you quietly while you sleep.
Looking for female friends (victims)
“Hi my name is terry I’m an Aussie male that just broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years caught her in bed with another guy since I’ve been with her so long I’ve lost contact with all my old female friends looking for people to go to movies or walks along the beach and swim I have a moterhome if u like to travel and camping please send me a text as I’m a bit shy to talk at first.” Seems legit.
Mangrove jack, the fussiest fish in town
This lister is heartbroken about selling their beloved pet fish and warns that he has quite the refined palette — “only eats live food, have tried prawns and pellets but he’s a bit fussy”. Because everybody wants an emotional eater to move in and force them to cook an extra meal every night.
Jointed hands for a herculean spirit doll
Hands only, body not included. In case you were worried about the condition of these only slightly creepy hands, the owner promises they’ve only been taken out of the bag for some quick photos. If you’re worried they won’t match the rest of your body, the owner has also helpfully listed the skin tone as “vampire”.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever bought or sold on Gumtree?