Michael Jordan just can’t get anyone to take his house off his giant hands.

The nine-bedroom, 15-bathroom estate in Highland Park, Illinois, comes complete with a massive entertaining area, a full gym, a putting green, and a full-size basketball court (obviously).

It’s a palace, but instead of leaving it to his Heir Jordan, he’s been unsuccessfully trying to sell it since 2012.

Of course, his struggle to sell the property could have something to do with these gates, which might make it difficult for the next owner to really make the place feel like their own.

The Agency Real Estate

The Agency Real Estate

In his latest bid to shed this albatross from around his neck, Jordan has teamed with The Agency Real Estate to produce a YouTube video extolling its virtues.

“Think you’re big? I’m bigger,” the video boasts, Jordan’s gift for trash talk now extending to inanimate possessions. “You say you’re great at entertaining? Have you seen my pool pavilion? Putting greens? My game rooms? … You might have a basketball hoop, but I have a full-size regulation court designed and played on by the greatest of all time.”

If the amenities aren’t enough to win you over, Jordan is quick to point out the historic moments that have occurred within the home.

“If these walls could talk, the stories they would tell would be incredible,” the listing reads. “Hands of poker were played late into the night in the card room, while Jordan and his friends smoked his favourite cigars from his humidor. He and his family watched movies on his huge video screen that descends from the ceiling, or swam in the infinity pool, with its central platform like a ball swishing into the net. The ‘Breakfast Club’, a core group of talented Bulls players, worked out in Jordan’s fitness centre, and strategised on future games over breakfasts made by his private chef.”

Jordan’s asking for just a tick under $US15 million for the 56,000 square foot property, down from his $US29 million asking price in 2012. At that price, it’s hard to believe that a rich superfan hasn’t snapped it up already.

Tell you what, Mike — if you can’t sell the place this time, the Bmag team will pool our resources and trade you a complete collection of Space Jam Tazos for it.

What do you say?