Wondering whether or not Radiohead’s new album is any good? Don’t ask a critic — ask an eight-year-old.
It’s basically a given that any adult critic is going to heap praise on Radiohead’s new record, A Moon Shaped Pool.
They’ve reached a point where they can do no wrong, as far as their admirers are concerned, and a bad review would probably do more harm to the critic than it would to the band.
This tweet about sums it up:
New Radiohead is a masterpiece. (I haven't heard it)
— Steely Dad (@darren_levin) May 8, 2016
So, as long as any old thing Thom Yorke and co. throw out there is going to be instantly hailed as a game-changing classic, how can you get a truly honest evaluation of their work?
You ask an eight-year-old.
Twitter user Beth Gordon has done a great service to music criticism by posting her child’s track-by-track review of A Moon Shaped Pool.
Interestingly, the child thinks opening track Burn The Witch is “festival like”, even though they’ve almost definitely never been to a festival.
They also pulled no punches about track two, Daydreaming, slamming the new single as “a long song, kind of boring”.
To be honest, they’re probably right about that one, although the video is gorgeous.
In case you think that all sounds a bit mature for an eight-year-old, consider their review of The Numbers, which reminds the young critic of Kung Fu Panda. I mean, yeah, sure, why not?
Thom Yorke’s ability to enunciate also comes in for criticism, as the eight-year-old slams Identikit because it’s “hard to hear what he says”.
The reviewer’s favourite track? At first, it appears to be Desert Island Disk (hailed as “my favourite song so far”), but by the end of the album, they’ve anointed Tinker Tailor Soldier Rich Man as the best track on the album (and you know it’s real, because they’ve circled the track number).
Touchingly, the eight-year-old is a little unsure of the album’s final track, True Love Waits, because it “could make people cry”.
Overall, despite some harsh words, it’s a solid 7 out of 10 from this young critic.
Here’s the review in full:
— Beth Gordon (@bethgordon) May 8, 2016
We eagerly await their next effort (the eight year old’s, that is, not Radiohead’s).
Does your child have strong critical opinions? Share them in the comments below!