In the pursuit of parenthood, my husband and I explored all the options for the opportunity to look after little people.
From fertility treatments to adoption to becoming the Father Abraham of godparents (to date we have six godchildren between us), everything was viable, but what was optimal was children of our own.
As you know, she took her sweet time to get to us. But Millie Valentine is now here in all her adorable splendour and we have enjoyed every moment of her 1,339 days on this planet. Thank you for sharing the journey with us.
In the meantime, it was back on the infertility train as we tried to give her a sibling so she isn’t so spoilt – I mean, alone. As the years dribble by and the options run out due to age, my husband and I decided to take some steps to become foster parents. It was something we’ve always wanted to do and on State of Origin night we finally took the plunge.
While party pies and beer were being eaten and drunk in homes eager for QLD to win, we sat at an information night in a church hall with an organisation eager to win our hearts and safe homes for the sake of children in need.
Interestingly, while we wanted to learn how to care for other children, it proved impossible to get one to care for ours on football’s night of nights. So with colouring books packed in a bag we tentatively took Millie along for the ride. In the car we let her know that she would need to be on her best good girl behaviour as she would be sitting in on an important adult meeting.
We sat up the back of the room and set up her temporary art studio. Lying on the floor at our feet she coloured in unicorns, chatted happily to herself and popped up occasionally to tell me a secret that I absolutely must know that instant. “Daddys do farts and Mummys do fluffs but Georgia’s mum calls them Pop-offs and isn’t that funny?” she whispered so loudly that I doubt she will ever have a career in the secret service.
The educator pushed through her information over the din of my child’s noisy racket while potential foster parents asked heartfelt questions like “how hard is it to give them back?”
With such seriousness going on in the room, Millie sang like no one was listening. Danced like no one was watching. Spilt her drink bottle all over the floor. Crunched food louder than a building being demolished. And then, before I could stop her, she walked up to the front of the room and took her carefully coloured-in unicorn picture and gave it as a gift to the poor woman trying to do the presentation.
Her self-confidence oozed out of every pore as she proudly pointed out to ‘her audience’ that she had neatly coloured in all the lines, and asked if anyone else would like to commission her work.
I was more than a little embarrassed. If this was the first test of our parenting skills in front of people who assess parents for a living, we had failed. We couldn’t even prove we could contain our own three-year-old who was excited to be out late at an important adult meeting, let alone a foster child.
As Millie sashayed back to her seat, saying hello to all the strangers she passed, promising that she would now draw them a picture, I leaned over to Gerard and said “Are you sure you want to do this all over again?!”
He looked at me, rubbed my shoulder and said “Absolutely”.
Good on you luv, there are a special few who can love a child as if it’s their own, I too am one, wishing you all the best for the next chapter!
I’m currently reading a very interesting Thesis on Out of Home Care and in it outlines the changes in foster caring over the last 15-20 years. It will be difficult but also very rewarding. I wish you, Gerard and Millie all the best and make sure you utilise all the support services available. x
So many aspects of this story made my heart sing. Good luck & love to everyone involved with the next stage of your journey
My parents became approved Foster Parents however, my Mum ended up not going ahead with it as she didn’t want me to end up saying “wasn’t I enough”. I look back now & think how cool it would have been to have had brothers & sisters.
Go for it EJ! Millie will be an amazing sister!!!!!!
Be prepared for a rocky road. Many kids in Foster care are damaged and have incurable issues like Reactive Attachment Disorder. Yes they need a loving home too! But these are problems that can’t be fixed and can be really physically, mentally and emotionally draining to handle day in day out. It can be rough having these poor guys in the classroom for 70mins. Hats off to their foster carers!
Amy Zekants I know a lot of foster parents & I think it’s amazing, your giving these kids hope & a good life filled with love, I would consider being a foster parent but over the years just knowing I’ve helped friends with their kids is enough for me, I’ve taking in a few of my friends kids until they were ok 2 look after them again & knowing that a child didn’t go hungry was clean & had clothes that fit is so rewarding, I don’t have much but sometimes all these kids need is 2 know someone cares about them
So proud of my very giving loving caring sharing unselfish daughter in law. You are amazing and I am so fortunate to have you in my life. Gerard you are supportive in every way. You will make the most amazing foster parents ever
In my current role at work I look after the out of home care students. There is certainly a need for foster carers and You guys will be amazing foster parents, you already are beautiful parent to Millie.
It has changed our lives… Yours too I’m sure! You have our hearts and prayers xxx
I’ve been looking into adoption for 2+years … very hard. I struggle with the idea of fostering but you’ve made me rethink. Xxoo
My daughters besty was fostered by her parents and their adoption went through last year. That mamma is unbelievable, with another baby always with them who needs care. She specialises in special needs kids, and they get so much love from her and her own adult family
Love this!!!! You and G would be amazing foster parents!! I think certain children are fated to be in your life whether they are biological, adopted, fostered, step children or nieces and nephews. Xxx
The gift of giving a child opportunity where they may not have had it before is a very humble and selfless thing. You should be proud of the creative confident young woman you are raising. I know that whomever comes into your care will be forever grateful xxx