Kids’ birthday parties and gift registries shouldn’t go hand-in-hand.
My friends joke that I have an angry alter ego called Geraldine.
On the odd occasion when something gets my goat, Geraldine rears her cranky head. She is the reason why I would never be able to run for government.
I lose my cool when things are downright stupid, and a politician who loses her cool, is, well, not cool. If you work in politics you are surrounded by stupidity, mostly other politicians, so you would be voting for Geraldine and not me.
Last week Geraldine made a rare appearance when I saw gift registries for childrens’ birthday parties on TV. The footage showed a young girl in a store choosing the things she liked and zapping them with a scanner, assumedly to marry up to a list that would be sent with the invites.
Maybe I’m behind the parenting curve, but I’d never heard of it, have certainly never needed it, and if I was sent one I’m pretty sure I would boycott the party out of principle.
I know it is standard for wedding invites and now baby showers, and maybe this is a double standard, but I understand that as adults we don’t want two toasters. But kids, sorry, you get what you are given — deal with it.
Just like the idea that Pass-the-Parcel must now have a gift in every layer to avoid disappointment, it seems our birthday gifts must be exactly what the child has chosen for the same reason.
The stupidity of it all is that it sets them up for disappointment, anyway.
They go along to a shop, go nuts picking every toy they want, spend weeks imagining they will get the lot, only to open a few on their birthday because people have budgets, 10 parties a weekend, and not enough time to buy individual gifts for every kid in the class.
Most parents I know make one stop at the toyshop to buy 10 of whatever item their own child loves or would love and pays it forward.
If the receiver doesn’t love it, A) TOO BAD and B) it goes into the original gift registry, the present cupboard in the hallway that emergency gifts emerge from when times are a little tougher than usual or you forget about the party until the morning of.
Whilst the idea of gift registries for kids makes me mad, it also makes me sad. Millie is three and just getting to the age where she understands the art of gift giving. She has
even started helping me choose gifts for her little friends.
The joy she gets, both from choosing and then giving the gift, is THE POINT OF GIFT GIVING.
Millie loves it so much, and now when I mention we are visiting someone she goes to her room, selects something she already owns and offers to wrap it and give it to them. Just because she wants to see the joy that comes with opening a surprise.
The surprise is often that it’s a rock, or a feather, or one of her favorites shoes (usually the left shoe) but it doesn’t matter. It’s the gift that counts.
I don’t want to take that away from her just yet, not at three and not even at 13. Gift registries for kids say to me ‘you can be my friend, come to my party, but if you don’t give me what I want it’s not good enough’.
Little friends are not Santa Claus; we shouldn’t force a list on them and if you do, you will find yourself on my naughty list for sure.
This is where the entitled attitude everyone refers to now days starts. You don’t always get what you want..that’s life! My kids are happy just having their friends over to celebrate. I tell parents a gift is optional (not everyone can afford one) On the tv recently I saw a story about children’s parties that were catered for with themes etc The story featured a family & their child’s party that had cost approx $10000. Brings ridiculous to a new level!!
When kids (and couples) had less, I was a lot more confident at gift giving. Most of those I want to give to have so much, a gift registry would at the very least show me the expectation, and I would know what I’m up against?.. and yes, I feel embattled in this area.. well maybe not embattled, but def immobilised!
What happened to being taught to smile & say thank you regardless of what you receive I find kids seen to like almost anything
I think it’s ridiculous and does create entitlement! On the other hand though, as the mother of 2 little boys, who are exactly 23 months apart, I have happily dropped subtle hints about birthday presents (only to close family or those who asked) and I was more than pleased to receive an invitation recently that nicely suggested a small hot wheels car for the birthday boy’s collection. We attended a party a while back where my daughter had joyfully selected a gift for her friend, wrapped it carefully and waited with excited anticipation for the birthday girl to open the gift, even asking her to open hers last as it was special. The paper was only half unwrapped when the girl claimed ‘I’ve got that already’ and tossed the unwanted gift to the side leaving my own daughter visibly crushed and hurt. To save my own daughter from that painful experience, I would have loved a gift registry at that moment, but from it we have taken a life lesson and turned another person’s negative quality into a positive for my child. I never let my kids open presents in front of everyone and if they do, then hate the present or have it already, I have taught them to smile sweetly and thank the gift giver regardless….. Then put it straight into our ’emergency present’ box!
Gifts suggestions for those who ask me yes not gift register… How ridiculous and makes children quite seem quite selfish….
I need to be able to budget times are tough and I can usually find gifts that look more expensive than they are …
are we producing I want next generation or I expect …
totally pisses me as well
Some of the best presents I got as a kid were things I didn’t know about before. Part of the surprise is getting and trying something new. And as a gift giver, it was fun to introduce my friends to new things too. By having a list, kids miss out on new experiences.
My daughters have little money, but for their children’s parties they ask for NO gifts. Kids don’t need any more stuff!! For my grandson’s birthday last month, we did up huge gift bags for his class mates but didn’t want to receive anything
I totally agree! My grand daughter had a birthday party 2 weeks ago and out of the 10 children invited only 5 showed up! I would have been happier to see all the children attend then have her receive gifts! It saddens me that parents can’t even rsvp. The party was at a venue and therefore we still had to pay for the 5 who didn’t show up!
I’ve never heard of this idea for kids birthdays but I think it’s a great idea. People are always asking me what to buy my kids and I’m asking them the same. This way we wouldn’t double up on gifts and be able to buy something within your budget that the child would like. If you find something cheaper elsewhere, let the registry know. If you don’t like the idea, don’t use it.
I think it’s an awesome idea. Saves doubling up on gifts or things they already have. All my group of friends ask for ideas so I send them photos of things my son likes! I also ask the patents what to buy. I’d rather buy gift a child would like than something that would sit at the bottom of a toy box!
Mine don’t get anything. Children have too much materials and not enough values. Mine are no exception. And the bedrooms are a mess. They don’t need anything else but quality human interaction, creativity and love. Materialism is our problem we should not teach it to our children for their own freedom. We need to get them back to simpler lives with appreciation of what they have and resilience for what they don’t have.
How ridiculous. Kids are far too spoilt and once they get into the real life of working for what they want we will have a generation of depressed young adults and useless adults add they are not being taught to do anything for themselves or take responsibility. ….. rant over
I think it’s ridiculous. I also find it rude that parents tell you what you should buy as a gift. This is why we have spoilt, ungrateful children growing up. What ever happen to being thankful for what your given or it’s the thought that counts.
When my children were younger we started inviting people through paper invitations with a few rules on: please don’t bring a present, please bring your own cup (we don’t want to add any useless plastics pollution to our planet) and there will be no sugary drinks and party bags either. Many never came. But those who did keep coming back. They said there were the best birthday parties: outdoor with old fashion games. Little and big people alike had a ball each time. Birthday parties are not about the presents but about the presence and the fun EVERYONE has. (Including mum driving home with happy and well behaved children- not going hyper on sugar!!). A happy child does not need a present or even a balloon. A happy child is the one going home singing and exhausted from having too much fun. (If too much fun can ever be had!! lol).