One week into 2015 and I have already broken my New Year’s resolution. It was simply to not eat carbs after 12pm. I broke it on the first day.

Cake. Need I say more?

But even though each year I break my resolutions as fast as I make them, I still can’t seem to stop promising myself and the incoming year that I will do something better for my health, my family, my finances or my friends.

Last year it was Yoga. I put it out there on Facebook with a self-righteous post. I figured that if it were on Facebook it would give me some sort of accountability, because like all life these days, if it’s not on Facebook, it didn’t really happen. I imagined that in the months to come my friends could tag me in Yoga quotes and ask me to follow Yoga pages and I’d be all, “Yep, all over that, thank you and Namaste to you”.

My post read something like this.

My New Years Resolution is to commit to a year of Yoga. Not just for me, but for my family. I must learn to put myself first so that I can be a better mother, wife and friend.

I stated that I wanted to be fitter, more balanced and calmer when calamity struck, and not that shrieking mother in the supermarket trying to stop my shrieking child from putting all the lollipops in the trolley. Yoga would help me become Super Zen Mummy instead of Stressed Out, Over Worked, Totally Tired, Snappy Mummy. I also secretly harboured a desire that the Yoga would also make me a more Yummy and Stretchy Mummy, so I would be a Super Zen Stretchy Yummy Mummy able to look smoking hot while leaping small children’s supermarket tantrums with a single ‘Ohm’.

So I purchased a yearlong pass to Bikram Yoga and some stretchy sweat proof pants and turned up to a total of five classes, for the whole year, all in the first week. The investment was a total waste of my money, except for the pants, which make excellent shopping clothes. They stretch nicely and pop straight back into place when a three-nager is pulling on them begging for some paddlepops while you pass the ice-cream aisle getting the milk.

It’s probably some primal thing Freud or any kind of philosopher could elaborate on about the human condition, about always striving to be a better person, that makes us and me continue to make (and break) New Year’s resolutions. Without that drive, cures to things like Polio and Chicken Pox wouldn’t exist, and so the cycle continues and with excellent results for some. But it still doesn’t stop the feelings of failure I experience when faced with my Facebook 2014 highlights package and last year’s New Year’s Resolution post pops up as my defining status — while I’m breaking this year’s resolution by eating toast for dinner.

And so to fix the issue? Since I can’t stop making resolutions, I need to find a way to keep them, and I found it reading Vanity Fair, in A questionnaire posed to comedian and actor Amy Poehler. She was asked many questions like What do you dislike about your appearance? and Which talent would you like to have? and she answered them all with true Amy Poehler humor. But two of the questions stood out to me and became my newly revised resolution, because I believe in second chances and therefore I can make a second New Years Resolution. (Just as long as it’s in the year you made and broke the first one, right?)

The questions were simply What is your idea of happiness? and What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

In 2015, my new New Year’s resolution is to do more of the answer to the first question, and less of the answer to the second.

More grocery shopping without my daughter and less Hot Yoga.

Good luck with your resolutions and Happy New Year!

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