Like a scene out of the controversial telemovie The Slap, police were called to a parental dispute over a swing in a park in Sydney this week.
The blame for the altercation was over the length of time one little person was using the swing for.
Yes, you read right. Apparently there is a limit to the time a child can kick their legs in the air and yell ‘push me higher, mum!’
The story was shared on Facebook and it went something like this:
I was just at the park and the police arrived. Seemingly a mother was pushing her little girl on a swing when a father approached and said he was also waiting for the swing. The mother replied that they would be another 5 minutes or so. The father proceeded to stop the swing in motion and tried to lift the daughter out! The mother was very upset and called the police. Another parent in the park thought this was a little overboard. What would you do?!? Would you call the police?
The mother of the little girl has since explained that she felt threatened and, as a regular to the park, she wanted her space to feel safe.
On the one hand, I completely understand, but I don’t think I would waste precious police time dealing with it. I’d just headbutt the stranger who tried to touch my daughter and then go home. On the other hand, however, five more minutes on a swing is like 10 hours to a little person and I can feel the dad’s frustration.
The incident has opened a can of parenting worms.
When is it OK to touch another child?
And if you are over five, is it OK to fight over a swing?!
I think it’s a given that unless a child is in danger or distress, you don’t touch another person’s child.
And no, it’s not cool to fight over a swing. With the secret law of most small parks being that there is pretty much only ever two swings — a bucket one for the little ones and a normal one for older kids or mum (yes, mums like a good swing sometimes too) — swing waiting lines are a regular occurrence in my world. But when I take my daughter to the park I find it’s a perfect time to teach her patience and sharing. The patience to wait her turn, and the courtesy to share and not take too long.
Maybe this time it’s the parents that needed to learn the lessons.
But the real can of worms was opened by Dr Justin Coulson from happyfamilies.com.au today. A professional swing pusher of six daughters, he believes if it were an argument between two mums it would have been an entirely different situation.
“I’m not the mum who went through it and we don’t know her history, but if she felt this man was being overly aggressive and dominant and she just felt she was unsafe, I think she was well within her rights to do it. I know it does sound a little over the top, but we don’t really know the situation. I can say this though, I don’t think that man would have been so willing to take the child off the swing if their dad had been there instead of mum. I think that says a lot about how we respond to people based on their gender.
“As a dad and as a man, when I’m at the park I am very conscious of my interactions with other people’s children. If we are doing something publicly and clearly being helpful we can probably get away with it, but in most cases we may still offend somebody and I guess it’s one of those contextual things. I’ll often be at a park and I’ll see a child who’s distressed and crying. The mum’s hands are full, she’s effectively helpless, and I want to help, but I hesitate. There are two reasons for this; a fear of judgment, and it’s also a self-protection mechanism. It’s all about not wanting to be accused of anything, and if I stay away entirely, there’s no risk that that accusation would happen.”
Now I don’t know what the sadder part of this story is — parents fighting like children over swing time, or the discovery that decent men like Dr Coulson fear park play because of their gender.
But it begs the question, do you think Dr Coulson is right? Would two mums have reacted in the same way? Was it a gender thing?
Or just a wicked mood swing?
I think the father was out of line to physically involve the child. If he had an issue with the mother they should have dealt with it among themselves. It’s not so much about him touching another person’s child as him undermining the adult conversation by directly approaching the child.
I think the altercation would have been just as bad if it were two mothers but I doubt the police would’ve been called unless the mother of the child on the swing felt she was physically outmatched by the other party. She clear felt helpless or without power in the situation and to even the odds called in backup.
It is sad that men feel like they have to act differently because of their gender but is probably just a precaution they have to take. Women do the same in reverse. We all have to be careful of how we act in our environments and within societal laws.
Great comment Rachel! Thankyou x
We dont always get what we want when we want it. Wait your turn and keep your hands off my child unless your trying to help them. He sounds as spoilt as his child probably is.
Yes I agree with Rachel. I guess we have no idea how long he was waiting for, or how the mother actually spoke to him….but regardless if someone else is on the swing or other equipment you just have to wait……if they are going to take too long, play with something else. Your child does not have a god given right to the swing! I have encountered similar play equipment wars over a ride on car in a shopping centre. My son had only just gotten in and was playing in it when another mother with three children came along and her children were hassling her to use it….she kept saying loudly yes when this little boy is FINISHED we can have a go and glaring at me. He had been on there for about 2 minutes, I had to tell her look he has just gotten in and we will be only 5 minutes if that’s alright with you. I think this dad was way out of line as he used his physical size to intimidate the woman, if the woman’s husband had been there, I bet you he would not have done that!
I agree, and would only ever touch a stranger’s child if it’s life was in danger and the parents were not available or capable to do it themselves.
I’m a new mum, and tell you what, if some guy went to move my daughter off a swing or anything else, I would not need cops–he would.
Does he ram the car that is in front of him at the lights when he is in a hurry? He sounds like he would if he could. What a tosser! Touch my child and I’ll dig my heels in even further. Be patient and reasonable and the five minutes might actually be 2 or 3 minutes. Sad state of affairs that the kids had to watch this and probably learn this mode of behaviour.
And while you’re at it, if your kid is hassling other kids, do something about it. More timid kids shouldn’t have to be bullied out of enjoying themselves. Parents start parenting and stop leaving it up to school teachers and maybe we’ll get somewhere.