Wait for it, I’m going to do something I said I would never do when I became a parent, brag that my offspring is a genius.
All parents do it occasionally and just like I swore I’d never lose my cool in public/bribe my kid with treats/ let them watch hours of television just to get things done, I’m about to herald my kid as a genius.
Her latest amazingness (yes it’s a word, go with me here) was her acute perception of what makes women happy. Let me tell you, it’s no word of a lie when they say raising a two-year-old is like making a smoothie in a blender without a lid, mess just goes everywhere.
At the moment when she asks for something, like say an icy pole, it goes something like this. “Mummy. Mum. Mama. EMILY! I want a zooper dooper, a Zooper Dooper, a ZZoooooper Dooooper, a zooooppppper doooppeeerrrrr!!!! And when I tell her that she hasn’t used the magic word, she’ll claw at my leg, stamp her little legs and yell, “PAH -WEEEEEEEAASE!”
Of course I have to teach her that when she scream’s pah-wease like that it doesn’t count. It’s the same as giving someone a back handed compliment like “You’d look really pretty if you weren’t so ugly.”
After a full on day of these kinds of demands and many more meltdowns I was the one yelling back “You want a zooper dooper? So what kiddo? I want to marry Brad Pitt but I can’t, so DEAL WITH IT!” See mess everywhere. It seems two-year-old tantrums are contagious and this 37-year-old caught it bad.
A few hours later after dinner and a bath, we had both calmed down and were enjoying our nightly ritual of book negotiation. Where I tell her I’m going to read her three books and she demands I read her 49 thousand. Five pages into the Three Little Pigs she looked up at me, placed her little hand on my cheek and said softly “you got angry today Mummy”.
I’m not sure if it was the evil wolf that reminded her of my transformation or reading all the huffing and puffing and blowing things down part of the story, which was my demeanour the whole day, but I could only agree with her.
I took the opportunity to do some mummy motivational speaking. “Yes darling, when you are being naughty it makes mummy angry. But when you are good you make mummy so happy.”
“No Mummy,” she said in all seriousness, “chocolate makes you happy!” Her wisdom beyond her years blew me away. That or my Tim Tam addiction is getting out of control. At least she didn’t say wine, it could have easily gone either way.