I have always jokingly said that every person should have at least one title they are proud of. An award, a record broken or a certificate of achievement that at a dinner party you can jokingly brag about, or you can add to your CV for a bit of colour and comedic relief to stand out from the rest.

For example I am Miss Launceston Cup 1997, I am also the Grade 4 Chatter Champ and only last year won the prestigious title of 13th best dressed on the Gold Coast.

Sure, I’m no Cate Blanchett with two shiny Oscar bookends, but still it’s something, it’s my thing, and I’m proud of it.

But there is one title that is upsetting me at the moment. I won’t mention the brand that is running the particular competition because quite frankly I love the brand. I can’t live without it, but what I can live without is it’s yearly baby search.

For the last 24 hours I have been DM’d, PM’d and Text messaged from friends and family desperate for my valuable vote. All of whom are delusional that their baby will win what is in essence a brilliant marketing campaign and not the cutest baby in the Universe competition that they think it is. I’ve been asked to cast my vote for 29 thousand different kids, and this is where the flaw is. The only people voting are friends and family, so it isn’t who is the most beautiful bubba, it’s who is the most popular mama.  She with the most amount of friends on the internet wins.

I could be all PC and say all babies are beautiful, and they are, to their mothers.

Take me for example, in my baby daze I thought Millie was the most divine creature ever created, and she is the most divine creature ever created, by me!

Now that she looks more like a little human and less like a bowling ball head I can see that well, she wasn’t as cute as I once thought. I look back at those first photos and go…..Wow, love really is blind.

But my point is not to be a meanie to my kid, my point is that normal humans aren’t all over the internet trawling for baby competitions to vote for, and if they were, wouldn’t you think that was creepy? Some stranger rating my child over another?

NO, it’s simply like I said, friends voting for friends and family voting for family and all the other mothers who have entered their babies judging the hell out of your child.

And here’s the thing, I’m not all baby bah humbug, I’m more than happy to vote for my friends children, but that’s the problem, I have HEAPS of friends with babies who have entered, I either have to vote for all or none because that could be construed as me believing that one of my friends kids is cuter than the other, and even if I do think that, I don’t want my friends to think that I think that.

You can’t vote for both Liberal and Labor, life doesn’t work like that, unless of course you are a clever advertising campaign/ baby competition.

Mum’s, your children are going to be judged for the rest of their life. They will judged at school, at work, in sport, in clubs, on their manners, on their looks, on their results and achievements….the judging will never end, but does it have to start so early?

Please, you don’t need a competition to validate your child’s perfection factor, your child is already perfect, because you made it. Let them choose to be judged later in life.

Like in a wet t-shirt competition, you will be so proud.