Valentine’s Day is one big Hallmark cliche but don’t ignore it.

Yes, I get it. Valentine’s Day is one big cliché where you declare you want nothing, and then sigh with disappointment when that’s exactly what happens. It’s the Hallmark holiday everyone loves to hate. The same people that despise Valentine’s Day also dislike Halloween. These people probably also loathe pictures of kittens and babies choking up their social media feeds.

I have nothing in common with these people, because I am in love with love and anything cliché can come at me. But what would happen if I told the haters this little fact about Valentine’s Day: it used to be celebrated as a Pagan fertility festival (Lupercalia) where men would strip naked and whip women to improve their fertility. Yep, I knew that would get you on board.

Fellas, I’d like to use my column this weekas a community service, to first tell you not to believe your lady’s lies when she says she doesn’t really want anything for Valentine’s Day because she really does. But I’d also like to dispel the myth that it has to be something outlandish or a romantic spew-fest that bleeds your wallet dry.

So here are some ideas you won’t have to sell your kidney for. You’re welcome. Before you outsource your emotions to Hallmark and buy a meaningless card, consider this: she will read it and eventually throw it away. But a handwritten letter is free! Just write down what you love about her. She will store it in her bedside table along with the kids handmade kindy cards forever. While you may think of yourself as brilliant for creating a book full of coupons that say

“One foot massage”or “Win one argument”, let’s get real. Letting someone win an argument is just silly (especially if they were wrong) and we all know you will over-promise and under-deliver with the massage action. Watching The Notebook with us for the 49th time is the real romance we are looking for.

Instead of trying to book dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town, send the kids to bed early and get take away. That will beat heading out to a fancy restaurant and paying $20 for some rocket and fancy weeds decorating a plate and $100 for the bottle of wine you will need to scull to swallow the outrageous prices. Scull a cheap bottle together then go to bed. To sleep of course.

Finally just be nice to each other. Not just on Valentine’s Day, but it’s a great day to reassess and try that little bit harder. In the words of A.A Milne, aka Winnie the Pooh “sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.” Happy Valentine’s Day.