The events of the day my husband, Gerard, said becoming a dad gave him all the credentials for what lay ahead

Emily Jade says when her daughter Millie was born, the experience gave husband Gerard an insight into all he would need to start the journey of being a dad:

Lesson 1: you never know what to expect on waking
Two weeks before Millie Valentine arrived I had been walking around 2cm dilated and hadn’t even felt it. The discovery of the pain-free dilation led me to believe that she would simply fall out in the shopping centre and I’d pick her up and continue shopping. But on the morning of her birth, Gerard woke to find me on the floor mooing like a cow. He got dressed in a flash, ready to play catch. No morning has ever been the same.

Lesson 2: men, the first thing you grab from the wardrobe will never be right
I really did want to get to the hospital in a rush, but there was a small problem: what I was wearing. A slightly see-through slip. So I ordered Gerard to get me a dress from my wardrobe. He plucked a ball gown from the hanger.

Lesson 3: life is messy
In the car, my waters broke. Gerard didn’t blink an eye as body liquid gushed onto the floor of our clean car, which has never been clean again.

Lesson 4: driving in peace is a thing of the past
While Gerard gripped the steering wheel and calmly navigated the quiet streets of Brisbane to the hospital, I screamed for him to drive faster. Knowing what we know now about how close I was to giving birth in the car, he would’ve, should’ve, could’ve driven faster, but he assumed he had another eight hours of my ear-splitting screams, because you know, that’s what normal women do – labour for a few HOURS and then produce a baby. Same goes when a baby is hollering in the back seat and you still have 40 minutes to your destination.

Lesson 5: nothing goes to plan
Our birth plan included warm baths, soothing music and mood lighting resembling a romantic restaurant. Our actual birth involved me crawling into the hospital on all fours with nurses yelling “head on view, head on view” and three contractions later Gerard was cutting the cord in full fluorescent light.

Lesson 6: you will never love anyone more
As soon as she was out with her little arms flailing and her tiny lungs hollering, Gerard held her tight and kissed her button nose and, with tears running down his face, said: “That was so awesome, I wish I could give birth!” Medical science, it’s over to you.